We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note ... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Sunday equals sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints
do not work!
Just say
it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is
also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
